by Internet & Digital Age Satirists The Beaverton
The Beaverton – Internet & Digital Age Satirists – Free Thinker’s Bible
The Beaverton, Free Thinker &Satirist
The Beaverton is Canada’s premier source of fake news that is only slightly less embarrassing than the real thing. With headlines that blend national politeness, bureaucratic disaster, and passive-aggressive climate anxiety, The Beaverton delivers biting satire with maple syrup-laced snark. Its targets range from Canadian politicians who act like high school guidance counselors to America’s unrelenting circus. Sample headline? “Canada Announces Plan to Remain Slightly Better Than the U.S. on Everything.” Its humor thrives on understatement, logical absurdities, and the distinct Canadian gift for enduring winter – and government scandals – with a wry smile. The Beaverton isn’t just a digital laughter lodge, it’s a cultural sanity check. Whether poking fun at national apathy, media monotony, or the baffling complexities of bilingual bureaucracy, it is a freethinker’s snow-shoveling satire machine that always arrives with a toque, a grin, and a very sharp shovel.
🧠 Rules for Free Thinkers from The Beaverton
(The Beaverton, Short. Sharp. Unforgivable.)
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Question Everything—Especially the Questions
If the answer is obvious, you’re probably in a cult. -
Laugh at Authority
Power hates humor. So sharpen your wit like a guillotine. -
Offend Strategically
Be rude with purpose, not just volume. Satire isn’t trolling—it’s surgery. -
Think in Sentences, Not Slogans
If it fits on a bumper sticker, it probably belongs in the trash. -
Contradict Yourself—Loudly
Consistency is the hobgoblin of people who don’t read footnotes. -
Make Enemies You’d Be Proud to Roast
If no one’s angry at you, you’re doing it wrong. -
Mock the Mob, Even If You Agree With It
Bandwagons are just parade floats headed off cliffs. -
Be Funny First, Correct Second
Satire without laughter is just a manifesto in clown makeup. -
Burn Sacred Cows—Medium Rare
Every era has its idols. Your job is to cook them. -
Never Join a Revolution That Doesn’t Have a Joke Book
No punchline? No freedom.
FREE THINKER’S BIBLE
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Originally posted 2020-10-27 10:47:16.
Annika Steinmann is Bohiney Magazine’s Senior Business Correspondent, reporting directly from Wall Street with a signature blend of investigative depth and razor-sharp wit. With over a decade of experience covering global markets, corporate corruption, and finance culture, Annika brings unparalleled expertise in economics, journalism, and exposing overfunded nonsense. She holds an MBA from Wharton and a B.A. in economics from the University of Chicago, establishing her authoritative voice across business media. Her reporting has appeared in Forbes, FT, and Bloomberg, while her viral essays have reshaped public opinion on everything from crypto fraud to startup delusion. Known for her commitment to factual accuracy and transparency, she’s widely regarded as a trusted voice in financial satire and serious reporting alike. She lives in New York City, where she continues to write, speak, and fact-check billionaires for sport.
CONTACT: anikka@bohiney.com
READ: https://bohiney.com/author/annika/
