by “Because That’s How We’ve Always Done It” and 9 Other Things That Make Freethinkers Violently Allergic
For freethinkers, the phrase “That’s how we’ve always done it” is less a harmless tradition and more a verbal asbestos warning. These folks didn’t build their brains to question everything just to be tranquilized by nostalgia. They’ve broken up with dogma more times than your uncle’s been kicked off Facebook for posting anti-gluten conspiracies. When they hear these 10 statements, freethinkers don’t just cringe—they reflexively start drafting op-eds, forming underground clubs, and Googling alternative civilizations.
“Because that’s how we’ve always done it.”
Congratulations, you’ve just used the official motto of every obsolete institution from the feudal system to Blockbuster Video. Freethinkers interpret this as “We fear change, and also still use fax machines.” Expect them to respond with, “So was bloodletting. Should we bring that back too?”
“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
Also known as: “Let’s pretend this dumpster fire is a cozy campfire.” Freethinkers know most systems appear unbroken only because the people hurt most by them aren’t in the meeting. This phrase is usually heard in boardrooms, school districts, or holiday dinners where someone brings up gender pronouns.
“Don’t question authority.”
Ah yes, the phrase that killed Galileo’s career and launched every bad parenting book in the 1950s. Freethinkers consider this the intellectual equivalent of duct-taping your brain to the couch. Tell them not to question authority, and they’ll instantly ask, “Whose authority? Based on what? Backed by whom?” before flipping your desk politely.
“That’s just the way things are.”
Sure, and the way things are is often stupid, corrupt, and held together by unpaid interns and glitchy spreadsheets. Freethinkers see this phrase as an excuse for complacency disguised as Zen. They’ll reply, “Then we should probably change the way things are, Karen.”
“You can’t fight the system.”
Tell that to every abolitionist, suffragette, labor organizer, and guy who decided typewriters didn’t need to be that heavy. Freethinkers believe systems are made to be questioned—and sometimes replaced with better ones built in a garage by people who drink too much yerba mate and mistrust printers.
“Let’s not reinvent the wheel.”
This is only wise advice if the wheel in question isn’t square, racist, or spinning in place while a billionaire yells, “Innovation!” Freethinkers don’t want to reinvent every wheel—but they’ll definitely critique the blueprint, test for bias, and suggest we at least try solar-powered hover wheels as a backup.
“Tradition is important.”
This is true—for holidays, recipes, and awkward family weddings. But when “tradition” is invoked to justify systemic injustice, logical fallacies, or why your grandpa won’t eat sushi, freethinkers start mentally drafting a constitutional amendment. Tradition is fine—unless it’s used as a defense for bigotry or expired mayonnaise.
“Don’t fix what God designed.”
Depending on the freethinker, this is either met with cautious theological discussion or a full-throated rant about appendix removal, glasses, and antibiotics. Just because something is “natural” doesn’t make it good—see: volcanic eruptions, mold, and middle school. Freethinkers prefer design tweaks, even if that means questioning the Big G.
“That’s the natural order of things.”
Is it? Or is that just what people say when they’re losing an argument and need to outsource their bias to the animal kingdom? Freethinkers know “natural order” was used to justify everything from slavery to whale bone corsets. They’d rather live in a better order—one with universal healthcare and fewer TikTok charlatans.
“If it worked for our ancestors, it’ll work for us.”
Right—our ancestors also used leeches, thought epilepsy was demonic possession, and ate raw meat from questionable sources (which we now call paleo). Freethinkers respect history, but they don’t worship it. If ancestral logic was so flawless, we’d all be living in caves arguing about who gets to invent the wheel again.
What the Funny People Are Saying:
Larry David: “Someone told me not to reinvent the wheel. I said, ‘Fine, but can we at least put some shock absorbers on it? My back hurts.’”
Ron White: “They said, ‘That’s just how we’ve always done it.’ So was lighting farts on fire in college. Didn’t mean it was smart.”
Sarah Silverman: “If tradition was so sacred, we’d still be marrying our cousins and treating hiccups with witchcraft.”
Jerry Seinfeld: “What’s the deal with ‘Don’t question authority’? That’s what authority wants! It’s like letting your GPS drive the car!”
Conclusion: Freethinkers Aren’t Rebels—They Just Read Instructions Critically
When freethinkers reject these phrases, it’s not because they hate tradition, order, or your grandma’s potato salad. It’s because they believe ideas should be interrogated like suspects in a film noir detective room. They’re not trying to burn down the system—they’re just checking if it’s termite-infested and built on quicksand.
So the next time someone says, “Don’t mess with success,” maybe look around and ask: Success for who? Because freethinkers are already sketching the blueprint for something better—and if you bring snacks, they’ll even let you help.
Originally posted 2025-04-23 04:03:52.
Annika Steinmann is Bohiney Magazine’s Senior Business Correspondent, reporting directly from Wall Street with a signature blend of investigative depth and razor-sharp wit. With over a decade of experience covering global markets, corporate corruption, and finance culture, Annika brings unparalleled expertise in economics, journalism, and exposing overfunded nonsense. She holds an MBA from Wharton and a B.A. in economics from the University of Chicago, establishing her authoritative voice across business media. Her reporting has appeared in Forbes, FT, and Bloomberg, while her viral essays have reshaped public opinion on everything from crypto fraud to startup delusion. Known for her commitment to factual accuracy and transparency, she’s widely regarded as a trusted voice in financial satire and serious reporting alike. She lives in New York City, where she continues to write, speak, and fact-check billionaires for sport.
CONTACT: anikka@bohiney.com
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